| Well kids its been a hell of awhile since I wrote here on my xanga.. I have been going threw alot last year around this time I had surgery my gallbladder removed... I went back to school after a hiatus and aced all my classes... That was fall '06 semester in Spring 07 i well tanked to say the least I became disenchanted with community college.. i have been there for so long I needed a change ..So I have been accepted to culinary school to become a chef in the future... I will be attending the Art Institute of New York City... In july and I am a mix of emotions hope and fear and excitement.... On the relationship front ha ha what relationships somebody I loved I realized he will never love me the way I love him...and the fact is he has issues and things the concern me.... he like day and night in some ways.... oh hes wonderful but i can remember that fuck that mr. nice guy shit that was told to me in the heat of an argument or as he calls it miscommunication....its not cruel shit pops out or passive aggressive bullshit happens and its not cool... its hurts more than anything then the hurt leads to anger and the pettiness being bumped around on myspace friend list are you serious and then denying it or whatever the case may be.. look im not stupid but I wont be dominated or made to feel bad or put on an emotional roller coaster ..... because you don't know what you want when i do... or you want me but than you don't and you cant understand why I don't need a relationship and im ok with simple dating ... so you switch it up and make me feel bad... no no no.. newsflash you weren't the only man in my life I make the rules and nobody uses me never no more....he didn't use me ..... I have been used in the past so i make my own choices and rules.... now so i choose to be alone for now.. i can handle many things its my choice .. but im not stupid and i wont deal with bs.... I am hurt pissed mad a myriad of emotions.... i could say more but why it wont change things I love him but he doesn't love me not the way I deserve to be loved... but hes is always present in my thoughts....
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| SORRY! I've been M.I.A I've been sick and stuff i'm getting galbladder surgery and hopefully ill be golden again miss you guys ttyl
becky |
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| I'm hurt I though I meet someone who was decent and kind .... Then it happenned we connected he was an awesome person we didnt know each other long but we vibed so well he restored my faith in people he really did guys especially he seemed so genuwine we had plans to meet and I thought hey hes one of the good ones. Then bam he stands me up no explanation no nothing im all dressed up no where to go sitting there dumbfounded. Like what did I do wrong whats wrong with me I opened up to this person I started to believe in this person now i'm like was it my fault. I called email texted imed. no response like i dont even exist I didnt do anything wrong or did I ???? bam a kick in the gut. What did I do wrong???? I still want to be his friend am i crazy ???? Or what i'm so confused ??? i'm not mad i got stood up just hurt.... what the hell did i do wrong.... i thought he really liked me it just hurts cause i thought i would at least have a friend does he even care that my feelings were hurt??? Did all the things he said to me matter?? Or was it all a lie can one bad thing make him a bad person??? I dont think so i dont know?? I'm cursed the spinster lives |
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| Humm I'm still on my people kick . I dunno why they do the things they do? If you want something go for it be honest be truthful be sincere. Even if it hurts just be real. Dont condone what you do knowing its wrong than justifying it. but if someone else does the same thing there dead wrong thats not right. I dunno I thought I knew this person but turns out mabey I never really knew them . |
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| People are fuckin funny. You think you know somebody really well. till they do something out of the blue. It may not be a big deal but that one instance brings it all full circle. Humm its funny you think you know somebody but you really dont. Why did they do what they did was it to make someone jelous? or just because you wanted to boost you're ego? Humm its bugged out you never thought they'd do it but they did. people there a mysterious bunch. |
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